My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
