My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
