I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was born a porn star she said
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
