I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
