Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
