I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
