I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
