so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
