i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
