I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
