You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
