in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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