I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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