Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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