I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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