the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
