If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
