if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
