dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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