it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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