I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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