You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
