you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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