I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
