Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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