i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
