I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
