Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
