evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
