We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
