Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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