I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
