Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
