so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
