All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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