so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
