the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
