i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He felt like a one man threesome
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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