1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
