Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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