I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
