Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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