census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
