She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
