my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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