did you get engaged???
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
