well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
