he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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