He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
