Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw a hot homeless man
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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