I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
