We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
