Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
