Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
