I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
