Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
